Simple Serenity

This statement can refer to people, situations, and emotions. Everyone has had an encounter with dealing with any of these. There are many names “diagnoses” of people but they will all fall under the same category toxic.

Here’s a breakdown:

Emotions: what do you feel?

Resentment shows us where we are living in the past and not allowing the present.

Bitterness shows us where we need to heal, where you hold judgements.

Anger shows us what you are passionate about, where your boundaries are, and what you believe needs to change.

Anxiety shows us that we need to wake up, to be present, anxiety is stuck in the past and in fear of the future.

Sadness shows us the depth of our feelings.

Why are you feeling these emotions?

Emotions become toxic because we carry them, they do not effect anyone else.

I teach you to feel your emotions and let them go.

People: Toxic people do not have the emotions you do. They won’t have empathy,guilt,shame, or beg you for the forgiveness you desperately seek.

It can be a long debate on whether toxic people know or don’t know what they cause. We won’t do the debate because they don’t matter here. This is how you can get past and be your best self.

Situations:

Parents: some parents are just toxic, you can’t change that behavior. You must change your reaction.

Here’s a cycle parent was abusive(physical,mental,neglect,emotional) basically they follow the same pattern push away, pull back in, when confronted act as if nothing happened.

Example: toxic person ignores you, they feel in control, you feel sad, confused etc. toxic person acts as if nothing is wrong. Then they pull you back in, show you compassion, you feel happy, connection, then they push you away again. This is the cycle. You become an adult still going through the cycle with them.

Example: as a child you try to prove yourself, to get positive encouragement. Toxic parents won’t let you overshadow them. Every event you do will have a shadow. They always did better or you aren’t doing good enough.

As an adult you still carry the baggage, the toxic person doesn’t, these events come to the surface as anger, resentment, anxiety, depression etc.

example: maybe you are involved with someone (relationship) these people will carry on the cycle.

They forget a holiday, they don’t accept they forgot they blame you.

They can’t make you a priority in their life. They don’t share feelings, emotions they react using repressed emotions.

Example: they had hard day at work, they don’t communicate, they start picking you apart, you are left sad and confused. They feel better.

Toxic people can’t connect on levels with emotions. They separate everything in life.

Physical intimacy is a physical and emotional connection. Toxic people don’t share a connection of the two.

How do people become toxic?

They become disembodied, (loss of connection with body based on sensation, and primitive emotions).

Trauma: loss in human connection

Emotional neglect an infant or young child experience attach through the life span.

Psychological they can’t self regulate emotions particularly in stressful situations.

When toxic people can’t feel emotion they suppress emotion.

The typical adult from toxic people( parent, family situations) are filled with I acknowledged anger, hollow feelings, suffers from anxiety, depression and have no clue how they got into the cycle.

In healthy families, we encourage children, hug them, communicate emotions, share love. You want sibling bonding. In toxic families children are pitted against each other. Some children are favored, others become parents projected negative feelings.

Toxic people have secrets, they have a false sense of image, they lack emotions, and they lack the ability to communicate effectively.

Pent up emotions cause people to become emotionally unavailable. A lot of these tend the become addictive. They have a feeling of emptiness, lack the sense of security, they take rather than give, they cling to anything to fill the emptiness. Some start drinking, using drugs or even throw themselves into work.

This all leads to the same outcome they become mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically absent from life.

These people operate from a sense of what’s in it for me.

What steps do you need to take for yourself. One hard lesson is you can’t change other people or situations. I help people set boundaries, they are for you. Learn when to walk away from situations for you. Learn to love yourself.